The new Spider-Man movie is coming out so soon!

But before I can cheer on Tom Holland, I have to watch the other Spider-Mans (Spider-Men??) to be ready! Just in case…you know. 😉

Anyway, I hadn’t seen the OG Spider-Man since it came out in 2002 and it was…not my favorite then or now. So it’s no wonder I never saw Spider-man 2. But that’s all changing RIGHT NOW.

Here’s hoping it’s better than the last one! (Though I don’t even know who the villain is. I assume James Franco?)

Anyway, let’s roll. Or…blast webs.

56 Thoughts I Had Watching Spider-man 2 for the First Time Ever

1. Marvel logo always slaps.

2. Oh a lovely watercolor painting recap of movie 1, very nice.

3. Spider-Man….is a pizza delivery guy?!!?!?  (No shade to pizza delivery humans. You are the real heroes.)

4. Those pizzas would be SO messy with him flingin’ flangin’ them all over the place! The toppings would be everywhere!!!!

5. Spider-man cannot catch a break!!

6. With a name like Octavius, I *assume* he will be the villain.

7. Or is James Franco the villain!? Who’s to say. (Sam Raimi, probably.)

8. Aunt May is a national treasure.

9. I don’t *think* either Tobey or Kirsten are bad actors but they have NO chemistry.

10. HELLO DR. OTTO, I BELIEVE YOU’RE THE NEW VILLAIN.

11. OMG MRS. OCTAVIUS IS IN CENTER STAGE. Now THAT is a great movie.

12. The spiderman suit hanging next to a regular suit:

13. “Eat your green vegetables.” LOL ok that was actually funny.

14. I did get a chill of excitement when I saw the webs catch the flying cop car so maybe I’m starting to be trapped in this franchise’s…..web. (I’ll see myself out.)

15. Wow that play usher has too much power.

16. Oh dear, Mary Jane has a man friend.

17. Two part reaction to Spider-man falling:

1. That fall would probably have killed him right? Or at least injured him?

and 2. Why Spidey can’t make webs?!

18. OH PETER. She can’t hear you.

19. I WONDER IF THAT CHIP WILL BREAK AND THEN THOSE ARMS WILL BE USED IN A BAD WAY.

20. Dead wife is always a good villain origin story.

21. I’m very convinced he’s not gonna let them cut off those arms. Dramatic villain breakout moment in 3..2…1…

22. “Doctor Strange?! It’s taken.” LOL.

23. J.K. Simmons is the best part of these movies.

24. THE CHIP BROKE!? Who could’ve seen this coming!!?

25. These original Spider-man movies really have a lot of villains monologuing to themselves huh?

26. What is this, Gringotts??!

27. NOT AUNT MAY!!!!!

28. Stan Lee!!

29. WHOA Mary Jane is the handsome hero’s date? Good for her.

30. PETER stop trying to eat the food. You’re there on assignment. Act professional.

31. WHY is Spidey losing his powers?! I MUST KNOW. Is it connected to Doc Ock somehow? Performance anxiety?

32. AWW Uncle Ben. This is sweet.

33. Ok so he’s turning away from the mantle of being Spider-man, but I BET he gets called back for the great responsibility of saving the city from Doc Ock.

34. J.J. FROM J.J.’s DINER?!!!! A beautiful cameo.

35. You really just gonna watch that guy get his butt kicked?! Wow. Could’ve at least called out for help!!! TOM HOLLAND WOULD NEVER.

36. POOR AUNT MAY.

37. Oh look, Doc Ock is making the Harmonious barges.

38. James Franco + Doc Ock, the dream villain team I didn’t know I needed.

39. CONFLICTED PETER PARKER. Just get the suit back already and be the hero you were meant to be.

40. Ok he would DEFINITELY BE DEAD NOW.

41. He’s obviously lying, he obviously loves her. But I also want him to just go be Spider-man and her to go marry the Nasa guy and they can just live their lives. I’m not rooting for them the same way I do for Zendaya and Tom Holland. Is that just me?

42. I really admire Doc Ock’s fashion choice of just a long leather jacket and high-waisted pants with no shirt.

43. Got it, his love of Mary Jane has fueled his Spider-man powers to return. *eye roll emoji*

44. These action scenes were probably fire in 2004.

45. Them passing back Spider-man’s limp body like he’s in a mosh pit is too much.

46. The people coming together for Spider-man!  Ultimately useless, but a nice gesture.

47. JAMES FRANCO BOUT TO LEARN.

48. “Listen sorry about brutally murdering your dad but can you chill for a second?” – Peter, basically

49. I do enjoy Peter trying to level with the bad guy and using his own quotes against him.

50. I think drowning the Harmonious barge will kill Doc Ock but how is he gonna come back for the new Spider-man?? This is the multi-verse thing that’s gonna confuse me, isn’t it.

51. Wow Mary Jane is useless in a crisis.

52. Maniacal laugh and the ghost of Willem Dafoe in the mirror…Are we FINALLY gonna get James Franco as a villain in the next one?

53. Oh he broke the mirror, guess not.

54. …but wait. He found the secret lair. So…maybe?!

55. MJ is gonna leave that poor, horrible hair-cutted man at the altar isn’t she? (Yes.)

56. I will say, the flying Spider-man graphics do hold up pretty well.

 

Wow, looking at how high the Rotten Tomatoes rating is (93%!!!!!!), it’s painfully clear to me that this came out long before the MCU Infinity Saga. These movies don’t hold a candle to the current Marvel movies IMO — and even when I talk to friends they say they love them for nostalgic reasons, not because they’re actually great movies.

I do think I liked this one more than the first one — it had a few more comical moments and was a little better paced. That said, I think I enjoyed Willem Dafoe’s maniacal Green Goblin more than Doc Ock. They’re both stereotypical comic book villains compared to the more recent baddies (thinking of Thanos and Killmonger) BUT I am excited to see them both return in ‘No Way Home.’

I also just don’t like the MJ and Peter relationship with Tobey and Kirsten. There isn’t the same chemistry we see currently — it’s a painfully early 2000’s style of romance. These movies also feel very predictable, which can be said of some, but hardly all, of the newer MCU films.

I feel bad because I really WANT to like these movies because people remember them fondly, but I have no desire to watch this movie again. I guess this is what happens when you watch the newer, better films first? Anyway, two down, one to go! (As far as Tobey is concerned.)

I award this movie a 5.5/10.

Time for Spider-man 3!

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