Sure, Disney movies are great. We wouldn’t be here if they weren’t! But do you ever get a chuckle thinking about what the animators were saying as they pitched the stories? Or maybe thought of some slight flaws that would make for a funny title?
Here are a few Hilarious Disney Alternative Titles we thought of:
(Disclaimer: We love all of these movies. This is just for a little light-hearted fun.)
Stockholm Syndrome: The Musical
You’re trapped in an enchanted castle for the rest of your life with no one to talk to but a candle, a clock, and a teapot. Of course you fall in love with the guy/bear/lion that dances with you and has an awesome book selection! What else is a girl supposed to do? To be fair, the Beast is better than Gaston in almost every way (though you’d have to deal with shedding) and Belle ends up being a princess. So it all works out.
Thanksgiving: The Sequel
First there were Pilgrims, then there was Poca. In a classic “two worlds come together tale” love saves the day and shines a light on racism from both parties. Sounds simple! Plus nothing is as American as Mel Gibson (in 1995) right?
Hamlet with Lions
Remember Hamlet from high school English class? A young prince must take revenge on his power-hungry uncle who killed his father in his quest for the throne. OH also, the ghost of the dead king is who motivates the prince. Sounds pretty familiar right?! Though Shakespeare’s original didn’t feature a wise-cracking meerkat and gassy warthog. Oh well, Disney had to make improvements somewhere.
The Lion King with Bears
Oh you thought you cried in The Lion King?! Then try this coming of age tale on for size.
The Lion King with Dinosaurs
Oh you thought you cried in Brother Bear?! Then try this coming of age tale on for size.
Breaking Curfew: A Love Story
I guess the lesson here is very simple kids: break your curfew and your night will fall to literal pieces around you. But…you may also meet the love of your life who’s an awesome dancer and is so memorized by you that he searches the whole kingdom to find you. (But can’t remember what your face looks like?) So it’s a toss up. Better take away from this film: always buy the shoes. One pair could change your life.
Creepiest Puppet Show Ever
We are well aware that this is a beautiful masterpiece and may be the most gorgeous film in the Disney canon. That does not stop it from being INCREDIBLY creepy. I’m sorry but the scene where bad little boys turn into donkeys and scream for their mothers is what nightmares are made of. Thank goodness most young kids don’t fully comprehend the horror, or they’d be scarred for life.
My Vanity Put a Hit on My Step-Daughter: A Memoir
Asking a magic mirror on the wall every day if you’re the fairest of them all? Vain Level: 7.
Being mad your 13 year old step daughter is fairer than you? Vain Level: 9.
Hiring a hit-man to take out said stepdaughter so you’re the fairest again? Vain Level: 100.
The Anti-Feminist Mermaid
Here’s a good lesson for little girls: if you see a cute guy for about 7 minutes, it’s a very good idea to ditch your family, and literally alter your physical appearance to go see him again. But make sure not to speak up! I know “Under the Sea” is a bop, but this is just about as anti-feminist as it gets. Let’s just make sure the youngest generation knows this is a great “what not to do” when it comes to teenage romance.
The Bright Side of Theft: Part I
Stealing is wrong. Stealing from the rich to give to the poor? Now we’re in a grey area. The upside: warm and fuzzies in your heart after giving a cute little bunny some a well deserved birthday gift.
Backup title: Vigilante Justice.
The Bright Side of Theft: Part II
Stealing is wrong. Stealing bread to feed your pet monkey and two homeless kids? Once again, grey area. The upside: meeting a feisty lady posing as a fellow thief but she’s actually a princess and you get to marry into royalty. Happens all the time.
PSA: Don’t Eat Random Mushrooms
A pink and purple striped cat that randomly appears and tells riddles. A rabbit with a pocket watch who’s behind schedule. A caterpillar smoking hookah and blowing rings in the shape of vowels. He can’t be the only one ingesting something nefarious, right?!
We Skipped Greek Mythology Class
Hercules is an awesome, very underrated Disney classic. And while there are a lot of Greek gods portrayed, the movie isn’t *quite* how things actually went down. For starters, Hera is not Hercules’ mother but Zeus IS his father, therefore Hera really hated Hercules. You can figure out why.
Cross-dressing Is Always A Solution
It’s not always the best option, but every now and again cross-dressing is the winning solution. I mean just think about it, if Mulan hadn’t done it she would never have saved China or become BFFs with the cutest dragon of all time! Just goes to show you that sometimes it pays to think outside the box.
Puppy Murder, But Make It Fashion
None of the Disney villains are fully justified in their monstrous actions — they are the villains after all. But I think we can all agree that the worst of all is Cruella de Vil. Her entire motivation to MURDER a bunch of adorable puppies is for a coat. At least Scar and Ursula were going to get power out of their crimes.
Are We Really Letting Kids Watch This?!?
I don’t actually have a joke about this one. But upon a recent re-watch I could not believe this movie was made, let alone as a children’s movie! Heavy religious overtones, saucy undertones, violent bullying, and a look at Paris’ socio-economic system — but hey, at least there’s catchy music and funny gargoyles! It’s actually one of my favorites, but wow, I did not catch on to the main premise when I was seven.
So what do you think? Do you have any hilarious alternative titles for Disney movies? Have some fun and let us know in the comments!
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