I Paid $21 To Go On The Worst Ride I’ve EVER Been On

Recently, my friend Quincy and I went to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, to check out the beloved theme park Dollywood.

During our visit, there was one day that the theme park was closed, so we took the opportunity to commit some tomfoolery around the very touristy town. There was SO much to see and do, but we spent $21 PER PERSON to experience the worst ride I’ve ever been on. This is my story.

Hi! If we’ve never been acquainted, my name is Emma. I was born and raised in East Tennessee before moving to Florida after college, where I started working for AllEars. After 3 years, I moved home again and have continued to work with AllEars (luckily for me)! That means I have been going to Dollywood and Pigeon Forge all my life.

For 27 years, I have driven past the Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride in Pigeon Forge. This ride has always looked broken down, scary, and slightly off-putting. This ride is right along the main strip of the town, and it’s kind of a running joke with my friends and family. It really is the epitome of “Who is paying to keep this open?”

This ride, which still features a “Now Open” sign after all these years, almost always boasts an empty parking lot. It’s a whopping $21 PER PERSON to check out what I believe is a defunct Halloween Horror Nights house. On TripAdvisor, it has a 2.1 out of 5 ranking. I believe this is a generous score.

This is an indoor boat ride that takes you through a “700,000-sq.-ft. animatronic dinosaur park.” It’s open year-round, and I believe (based on what I could see) there are only 2 boats that cycle through the attraction. It’s a roughly 10-minute boat ride, and it moves slower than I can walk. You can hear the boat screech as it pulls up to the dock, and that continues throughout the ride. Outside of the ride, there are several statues dressed as tourists to try to convince you that there are people lined up for the ride. There are no people lined up for this ride. The statues are covered in cobwebs, which adds to the spooky aesthetic.

Once you sit down in the ride, it takes a full minute and a half to get to the doors that take you inside the attraction. This was a very anxiety-inducing time for me. (Team Anxierty shout out!) This ride then takes you through 10 minutes of terror, machine screeches, and pitch-black terror. The massive building is legitimately dark as night, and occasionally you will get flashes of lights and the most off-putting statues of Dinosaurs I’ve ever seen.

My palms were sweat and I was feeling absolute horror the ENTIRE EXPERIENCE. I was squeezing Quincy’s hand the entire time, and I know it hurt, so this is a huge shout-out to her for not making me let go. I know I hurt you, girl. If you’re scared of the dark or you have submechanophobia (because there are some tenticles that come at you), this ride isn’t for you. It certainly wasn’t for me!

If you love silly, kitchy theme park rides, you honestly might find some humor in this ride. AJ from DisneyFoodBlog, who was with us, absolutely loved this attraction. While I love AJ, this did make me question her sanity. That being said, there are people who might legitimately enjoy this ride. If you’d like to see a quick glance at my experience, you can watch a video right here.

@allearsnet

the Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride in Pigeon Forge has a 2.1 rating on Yelp and now we get why. Plz like this post in solidarity with Emma as she tries to recover. #pigeonforge #pigeonforgetennessee #traveltok #themeparktok #scary

♬ Jurassic Park Theme – The Hit Crew

We had SO much fun during this side quest in Pigeon Forge, but this was definitely a low point in my day. Will I ever do it again? I truly pray I won’t. That being said, I’ll do almost anything on a fun trip with friends. You can see our full day in the video below! As always, be sure to keep following AllEars for more theme park adventures, side quests, and more.

REVIEW: There’s a Reason This Dollywood Snack Is FAMOUS

 

Tell me if you would brave this attraction in the comments!

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