Which Muppet Would Be the Best Gladiator?

We’ve been thinking a lot about the Muppets lately, thanks to some recent Disney announcements.

In case you missed it, Disney recently revealed that it would be closing Muppets Courtyard in Disney’s Hollywood Studios to make room for the new Monsters, Inc. land coming to that park. Although that’s sad news for Muppets fans, Disney also announced that it planned to re-theme Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster with the Muppets. So we’ve got Muppets on the brain. With the release of Gladiator 2, though, we kinda thought it would be fun if we recast the Gladiator character tropes with Muppets because, well, why not?

Why do this? Well, it’s a trend we’ve seen online, but also, The Muppets have often been put into serious stories like Treasure Island and A Christmas Carol and made them WAY better. So we’re going to create our own imaginary film called Muppets Gladiator. Now, let’s head into the arena and meet our characters.

The Vengeful Gladiator

So, both Gladiator movies have vengeful characters who have been captured by the Romans and are now being forced to fight in the Colosseum. Vengeance is their middle name. Well, this is OBVIOUSLY Animal, who is about the only Muppet chaotic enough — and with enough energy — to go head-to-head with the likes of other gladiators. We’ve also seen Animal in chains, so he can channel his inner gladiator as he takes on this main character role. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

The Twisted Leader

The twisted Emperor of Rome is cruel and vindictive. So, we think Sam Eagle would play the role well, as he’s often seen as a leader (at least in his own mind). Granted, we don’t think Sam is actually cruel and evil, but we think he’d revel in playing a Roman Emperor (although we bet he’d still be flying the U.S. flag).

The Trusted Friend

In both the original movie and the new sequel, each main Gladiator character has one trusted friend — that person he relates to and can confide in. Scooter is a great choice for this character because he’s that one go-to guy on The Muppet Show who works backstage to make sure everything goes right for everyone onstage (although it rarely does).

Gladiator-turned-entrepreneur

So, both Gladiator movies have a character that was once a gladiator but then moved on to become a successful businessman. (Lookin’ at you, Macrinus and Proximo.) So, we’re going with Gonzo because he’s always got an idea for a new invention to make his show with his chickens even better. Gonzo is way more innovative than anyone ever gives him credit for. Even if he usually ends up getting hurt by the things he creates.

Lost Love

Okay, it’s no secret that Miss Piggy is and will always be the love interest in ANY movie because she’s so fabulous. But in our Muppets Gladiator, she’s the lost love, the one seen in flashback scenes karate-chopping the main character’s enemies in a skirt and heels. We’ll be honest — we’re torn because we also think Miss Piggy could tear it up in the Colosseum, too, with those karate skills.

Master of Ceremonies

Kermit!

Someone has to host the big fights and make all the announcements, and that takes a character with a lot of charisma. Well, we already know Kermit ROCKED IT as host of The Muppet Show, so he’s the obvious choice to be the Master of Ceremonies.

Fan-Favorites

So the Colosseum audience has its favorites — those gladiators people are always rooting for. We think this calls for some sassiness, and are there two Muppets characters any sassier than Pepe and Rizzo? We think not. Pepe brings his fiery temper to the Colosseum, while Rizzo brings his street smarts and sarcasm.

Audience

You can’t bring an audience into the Colosseum without bringing the two most notorious audience members of The Muppets ever, Statler and Waldorf. The gladiators need these two crochety old men to heckle them, right?

Music

The Colosseum needs a soundtrack, and there’s only one band that can adequately provide that: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. This is one band that can move effortlessly from Roman ballads to 1970s Southern rock to 1990s grunge. Animal can even join in on the drums when he’s not fighting for his life.

So, how’d we do? Do you agree with our casting decisions? Let us know in the comments! Check back with AllEars again soon for more.