Ranking the Harry Potter Houses in the Most Obscure Ways Possible

Potterheads, raise your hands!

© Warner Bros

Now, like every good Potter fan, we know our Hogwarts houses — and the good, the bad, and the ugly that come with each one. Slytherins are cunning, Gryffindors are brave, Hufflpuff’s loyal, and Ravenclaw’s smart. We know generally how they fare in Wizarding World situations, but how would the houses rank in everyday Muggle (and other-worldly) experiences?

That’s what we discussed recently, and things got hilarious. Here are the results.

Here’s How the Harry Potter Houses Would Rank in the Most Obscure Ways Possible:

Most Likely to Escape an Escape Room in Record Time:

1. Ravenclaw – duh.

2. Slytherin – put that ambition to good use!

3. Gryffindor – would try to use physical force to muscle the door open, but would still be kinda helpful.

4. Hufflepuff – just hopes everyone has fun.

© Warner Bros

Who Would Be the Best Next Door Neighbor:

1. Hufflepuff – will randomly drop off baked goods.

2. Ravenclaw – hosts the best Book Club.

3. Gryffindor – probably loud during Football season, but that means fun cookouts!

4. Slytherin – always has the best gossip, but angering them could result in bad news for your prized garden.

© Warner Bros

Best to Go in a Halloween Horror Nights House With:

1. Gryffindor – duh.

2. Ravenclaw – smart enough to figure out where the jump scares are.

3. Hufflepuff – will 100% chicken out

4. Slytherin – will 100% go in, but also 100% sacrifice you to the monsters if necessary

© Warner Bros

Best to Introduce to Mom:

1. Hufflepuff – kind and sweet, perfect for Mom’s little angel

2. Ravenclaw – Mom loves a smartie!

3. Gryffindor – May try too hard, but Mom will love them once they stop acting.

4. Slytherin – Will put on a great show but also most likely to vanish when things get awkward at the family dinner.

©Warner Bros.

Best to Go on a Theme Park Date With:

1. Slytherin – Think of everything you could get done with that ambition!

2. Gryffindor – Ready to have a good time!

3. Hufflepuff – Here for the snacks.

4. Ravenclaw – Will be excited but won’t show it.

© Warner Bros

Would Be the Best Amazing Race Partner:

1. Gryffindor – Brave and competitive.

2. Ravenclaw – Smart and clever.

3. Slytherin – Ambitious but may throw you under the bus.

4. Hufflepuff – Just hopes everyone has a good time.

©Warner Brothers

Be the Best Wedding Date: 

1. Slytherin – Will sneak you out of convos you don’t want to have with Great Aunt Tessie and make fun of the ugly bridesmaid dresses with you.

2. Hufflepuff – Will get you an extra piece of cake and your family will love them.

3. Gryffindor – May try to steal the spotlight but will crush it on the dance floor.

4. Ravenclaw – Will get in an intellectual debate with your uncle.

©Warner Brothers

Most Likely To Survive Jurassic Park:

1. Gryffindor – So brave.

2. Slytherin – Will use ambition and cunning to outsmart dinosaurs. Will also feed others to Raptors if needed.

3. Ravenclaw – Smart enough to hide or know which dinos can and can’t hurt them.

4 Hufflepuff – We’ll miss you.

©Universal

What do you think of our rankings? Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comments!

Molly is a lifelong Disney enthusiast, and former Walt Disney World Guest Relations Cast Member and tour guide. Her Walt Disney World favorites include Festival of the Lion King, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Fantasmic!, Mickey-shaped pretzels and rice krispie treats, and anything with Buzz Lightyear! She lives in Orlando with her husband (who she met in Guest Relations) and their two rescue dogs, Kronk and Cruella de Vil (Ella for short!)

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2 Replies to “Ranking the Harry Potter Houses in the Most Obscure Ways Possible”

  1. Too funny!! I loved it. What about how do the different houses rank as parents? Teachers? What would be the best job for each house?

    Thanks for this fun post!

  2. I actually agree with this list. I am surprised. I thought Molly would be biased in favor of Slytherin!! It was actually fair!! I am surprised she didn’t rank Slytherin number one on everything.