So we’re all stuck at home for a while, and if you’re like me, after binge-watching Disney+ for three days without sleeping or eating, you may have started to hallucinate company.
I’m kidding, of course (or, at least, exaggerating). My Disney+ habits are totally healthy… honest. But it does get one thinking: if I had to room up with a Disney character during all of this, which would I pick? That’s a tough one, but I can tell you for sure who I wouldn’t pick.
This one is tough because I love Donald Duck. He is, bar none, my favorite Disney character, period. But I would not want to live with him. Not only does he have serious anger issues that are sure to be exacerbated by prolonged isolation, but he is a magnet for bad luck. Anything that can go wrong does go wrong with Donald, and that’s not great for disaster preparedness of any kind.
Again, I love Goofy. But you know staying with him would turn into one of those “How To” shorts where everything goes hilariously wrong. The second I start hearing that narrator talking I am out.
Okay, so even if I didn’t have a puppy (automatic deal breaker! Red flag!), Cruella just does not seem like a great person to spend a few weeks locked up with. She’s high maintenance, self centered, a smoker, and you know she’d take up ALL your closet space. You know that scene in Spaceballs where Barf has to carry Princess Vespa’s matching luggage everywhere? I can totally see her doing that.
I know, he’s a lot nicer at the end of the movie and is a really sweet guy… but he is so high energy. Seriously, do you think he could handle being inside for weeks? He’d be literally bouncing off the walls trying to find something to do. It’d be like having a toddler with superhuman strength.
Timon and Pumbaa
Again, love these guys, but they do not make great roomies. First, their diet. Bugs. Live bugs. Live bugs all over my house. They would not stay in the fridge. That I can promise you. Second, Pumbaa literally has a verse in Hakuna Matata about his gas. As laid back as these guys are, you’re going to be wishing you had a Gas Mask! Sure, Simba could deal, but Simba lived in a well-ventilated area!
Jack is a lovely fellow, but as a quarantine buddy, I’m a little worried about his uh… aesthetic choices. We’ve seen what this guy does when stricken with ennui. He’s the kind of guy for big, dramatic gestures, which is fun! But he’s also king of Halloween, so everything is bound to be a bit… creepy. My house would be the Haunted Mansion within a few days, which doesn’t sound that bad… except when you get jumpscared by a snake in the toilet at three in the morning. Still, as rough as he would be…
Oogie Boogie has all the spookiness of Jack with none of the kindness or restraint. His pranks are likely to be far more lethal, and he’s FULL OF BUGS. Nope. 100% NOPE.
This is just a sampling of the characters I wouldn’t want to room with during all of this. What about you? Who is your biggest NOPE? Let us know in the comments!
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