Finding Food Fast at Walt Disney World

 

It’s amazing how fast we humans readjust to being on vacation. It

happens within moments of crossing the gangplank of a ship, or,

in our case, passing through the Main Gate of Walt Disney World.

With chameleon-like adaptability, entire personalities change.

The fashion-conscious, for example, swiftly sacrifice all sense

of style in favor of comfortable shoes, Hawaiian shirts and Mouse

Ears.

Possibly the most amazing change is the human body’s ability to

readjust its intake, when the mind knows it’s on vacation.

For me, breakfast in the real world is a non-meal, a tasty diet

shake, spun up in my blender. It fills me up and I’m content.

Lunch is something to fill the midday gap, also usually a tasty

diet shake. It fills me up and I’m content.

My dinners are, for the most part, sensible, full of healthy

things that Mother would be proud to see me eat. Well, not *my*

mother (she was old school Polish, and if it wasn’t boiled or

full of fat, it wasn’t worth eating), but most modern mothers.

On the first day I find myself in the realm of The Mouse,

however, vacation takes over the mind and spirit. My body

instantly requires that the tasty breakfast shake be substituted

with yards of bacon, eggs every way, and a Mickey-eared waffle

from the kids’ buffet. I don’t look at it as going off my diet,

rather as necessary fuel. Fuel required to support not only the

miles of walking I will be doing in the parks, but enough back-up

fuel, should I decide on a whim to walk from Orlando to

Washington, DC.

Hey, it could happen!

After a hard day of Mouse miles, I make a point of always

enjoying a good sit-down dinner. At these dinners, while She Who

Must Be Obeyed (aka, my wife) diligently counts WeightWatcher

points, my dining goal seems to be ordering food that causes my

arteries to scream for mercy. Now, I must emphasize that I don’t

do this every day of my life, just as I don’t hug giant

fuzzy-headed characters every day of my life. But ordering things

made of gobs of cream, butter or cheese can be a part of the

“Magic,” too.

In between Mouse breakfast and dinner, however, I do, like most,

tend to survive mostly on food that’s “fast”. Fast, in

Zamgwar-speak, does not necessarily mean “counter service”. Fast

means just that — it arrives fast, and elicits a response of,

“This is *just* what I needed.”

One usually hits a wall after several hours in any park.

Attraction lines have grown longer, the temperature has risen,

and the contentment of a Mickey-eared waffle wanes. Suddenly an

internal voice seems to scream, “YOU MUST EAT NOW, AS SOON AS

POSSIBLE. GO GET FOOD!”

Once the voice speaks, nothing else matters. Not rides (the lines

suddenly seem intolerable). Not parades (all the good spots

suddenly seem gone). Not even Mickey himself walking straight at

you (unless he happens to be hand-delivering lunch) can stop the

food voice. “YOU MUST EAT NOW, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. GO GET FOOD!”

With that in mind, I thought I’d mention some of my favorite and

not-so-favorite places to stop, when I’m feeling faint and may

not have eaten for as many as two hours. Keep in mind that these

are the views and tastes of Zamgwar, and Zamgwar only. Also keep

in mind the mental stability of a man who “clocks” the speed with

which food arrives.

Good Fast Food at Disney-MGM Studios: Oddly enough, my favorite

“fast food” is found at The Brown Derby Restaurant. Their

delicious Cobb Salad is frequently sitting in front of you faster

than a pizza ordered in the shadow of the Tower of Terror.

True, at $13 it costs more than the traditional counter service

quarter-pound burger with cheese and fries. It *IS*, however, a

very good bowl of delicious, healthy “stuff” (chopped greens,

turkey breast, egg, bacon, tomatoes, blue cheese, avocado, chives

and Cobb dressing). Time from order to arrival: 7 minutes.

Bad Fast Food at Disney-MGM Studios: The Polish Smoked Sausage

with onions on a roll served at the fast food stands. It’s not

Polish. It’s not a sausage. Think huge Slim Jim. I rarely don’t

finish food I order. It was ingrained in me as a child that there

were people starving in a variety of countries, and somehow my

eating everything on my plate would make it better. I did not

finish my “Polish Sausage.” Sorry, Mom.

Good Fast Food at Animal Kingdom: Good fast food abounds around

Animal Kingdom. In fact, there are so many good choices, I find

it hard to understand why they haven’t spread to other parks.

Then again, I do really LOVE the whole laid-back ambiance of

Animal Kingdom, which may affect how I perceive its food. The

sounds, the brilliance of the landscaping and the detail of the

Imagineering is without equal. It’s just a great place to be “a

tad slower.”

The Tusker House’s Rotisserie Chicken is, in my opinion, among

the best fast food anywhere in Disney World. The halved chicken

is reasonably priced ($7.95 on my July trip), comes with

delicious fresh string beans and mashed potatoes. The Tusker

House is usually not crowded (as long as it isn’t High Noon) and

is a comfortable, well-themed place to escape the heat and eat.

Time from order to arrival: 4 minutes.

Animal Kingdom’s fast food is made even better by its

experimental “Meal Pass”. For $10.99 (for adults) you’re supplied

with three coupons that can be exchanged anywhere in the park.

One coupon gets you a lunch entree AND a beverage. Another gets

you either a bottled water or bottled soda. The third gets you

either an ice cream or a popcorn. This truly is a rare thing in

Disney World — a Bargain! I really hope this program never goes

away.

Bad Fast Food in Animal Kingdom: At one isolated stand they sell

what I can only describe as a mashed potato parfait. It looks

like an ice cream parfait, but it is in fact a cup of mashed

potatoes, topped with salsa, cheese and sour cream. In my mind,

when I ordered it, it was a good idea. In my stomach, it was a

bad idea. Some food is just too fast.

Good Fast Food at Epcot: The World Showcase is a fast food dream.

Each country offers an opportunity to taste some little tidbit.

Beer and wurst in Germany, Beavertails in Canada, Kaki-Gori in

Japan, Churros in Mexico, Creme Brulee in France, and pastries in

Norway. The list is endless. So much food, so little time. I’m

sure quick access to World Showcase’s food is a chief reason the

Boardwalk and Beach Club are my favorite hotels.

Bad Fast Food in Epcot: The Land pavilion used to be one of my

favorite places to grab a quick bite. In its glory days it

featured “Handwiches” and a wide variety of fast good things.

Perhaps it’s just rose-colored hindsight, but I fondly remember

flitting from counter to counter and assembling my lunch rather

quickly.

Fast, at least on my last trip, was not an option. Going

“off-peak hours”, it took 19 minutes from entering the queue, to

getting my sandwich. I went to “Soup and Sandwich” because the

“Barbecue” line was even slower. Perhaps it was because of staff

reductions. Perhaps I spent 14 minutes in a crack in the

time/space continuum. Perhaps The Land is now a ploy to help

people maintain their diets on vacation. It worked on me. By the

time I got my food, the urge had passed and I wasn’t hungry. The

whole of Future World now seems to be in a fast food crisis, in

fact.

Good Fast Food in the Magic Kingdom: Many head to Cosmic Ray’s

for a fast lunch. I have usually encountered too long a queue to

deem it “fast”. My MK fast food choice is, alas, currently under

renovation — The Crystal Palace. If you have a priority seating

reservation, the time from check-in at podium to eating is almost

instantaneous. The same can be said for any of the WDW buffets.

The choices are many, the food is very good, and in the case of

the Crystal Palace, Pooh and his friends are your hosts. I shall

go hungry in Magic Kingdom until it opens again.

Or, I shall black out from a Dole Whip overdose in Adventureland.

Yummmm, Dole Whip. Is there any urge it can’t cure?

Regardless of where you decide to stop for a bite, take a little

time to enjoy it. Remember, fast food only has to arrive fast, to

get that screaming “MUST EAT NOW” voice out of your head. It

doesn’t have to be eaten fast. Slowly savor your iced tea, and

the fact your feet aren’t walking. Take a brief moment to just

enjoy your own personal food “attraction.”

Regardless of if you’re munching on a curb, at a caf�, on a

fountain edge, or at a table watching “Small World” boats go by,

there are always sounds, sights and people to enjoy and make even

the most mediocre counter food taste a little better. As I’ve

said before, sitting down and taking a food break can be a

vacation within your vacation.

So gather ye French Fries while ye may, and take time to stop and

smell the popcorn.

That’s My2Cnts.

What’s yours?

John

Office of Fast Food

The Zamgwar Institute

www.zamgwar.com