For centuries, athletes of all nations have put their bodies through extensive rigorous training and carefully selected nutrients to help strengthen muscle. Men and women alike spend endless hours in heat, humidity, and freezing temperatures, practicing at the sport(s) in which they compete. No hurdle is too high. No limbo stick is too low. Although each person hungers for victory, only one can be crowned winner.
True that One More Disney Day, the 24 hour event taking place at Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World, will not produce a winner per se, there is a competition within my brain.
My dear readers, fellow Disney enthusiasts, and friends who I am forcing to read this triumphant ensemble of words and imagery, I will be taking part in Disney’s test of endurance in California. Oh yes, “they” are testing us. Can we, the I’m with Dopey T-shirt wearing, monorail spiel spieling Peter Pans handle attraction after attraction, show after show, turkey legs, ice cream sandwiches, special event merchandise offers, and Mickey in presumably a fashion show of his wardrobe so extensive that Ken bows down to him!? :breath: And most of all, will it be possible for us all to behave and refrain from becoming cranky? I asked you a question. I can’t hear you. Ok, OK, no need to shout. Good, because I am sharing my exclusive training guide with you. (No, not you, you. Yes, yes, you. Stop pointing at yourself. I see you. Yes, that’s a lovely haircut. Perhaps next time you should give a stylist a chance. They can work without bowls.) Behold my secrets! Read them. Absorb them. Share them! (use the icons at the bottom of the page and make this thing viral)
Our bodies are our temples. Some of us have additional temples we visit but not as often as our mothers would like. When you are out walking or running away from invisible chasers, stop and smell the flowers. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a park, flower shop, or snooping around the neighbor’s garden. Down some H2O to stay hydrated. No need to buy bottled water when it’s free everywhere else. Turn on the sprinkler, find a bubbler, or grab a vase and chug. Floral arrangements don’t last long anyway.
Going into a Disney park without proper assimilation to mechanical ducks, feral cats, mother-in-law pacaderms and the like is dangerous. Do yourselves a favor and adjust even if it just once, a few short days prior to passing thru the turnstyle. Amazingly enough, animatronics can be located in restaurants, furniture stores, and Walmart.
The golden tickets are in high demand. Train your feet for mad dashes that borderline on jogging because running is not allowed in the parks unless you paid a hefty fee for the quickest visit ever and can’t even go on a ride. Do laps around the office, continuously avoiding eye contact with co-workers or you’ll never build endurance. Flee from your car, into the grocery store, and stop short at the ATM. Cash withdrawls are optional but make for great card insertion practice.
Stroller and ECV Escape
Getting from one land to the next is no easy task when you are trapped in a moving obstacle course. You must move like a gazelle and prance along, dodging strollers pushed by distracted moms who subconsciously seek injustice on your tired toes. Be sure and test out the balls of your feet, your human break pads, to avoid coliding with ECV drivers who aren’t afraid to use their all-American right to beep at you, both electronically and verbally. Practice at your local mall on a weekend. Holiday sales events are reserved for advanced conditioning.
Disney gets a thrill from releasing cooped up characters during special events. You just never know who will be around the corner reliving all the glory of when he or she was the talk of the town. Dig deep and reach far, far back at the local movie and TV rental website for discs you’ve never seen or shamefully forgotten. You don’t want to be the guy who people talk about on popular websites for yelling “Snoopy” at Goofy.
To fight for the gold, one must have stamina and determination. Toothpicks may also help. 24 hours without sleep doesn’t come easily after 24 years of age. Like any athletic challenge, practice can make you or break you. Stay up late. Get up early. Wait a week or 2 and do it again. Challenge yourself to go 18 hours straight without a nap. Slap yourself silly (not the same as slap happy) if need be. The only one who can vote you off Tom Sawyer Island is Mr. Sandman. Reward your success with a long nap. You’ll need to rest up.
Finally, know the signs of losing your mind and control the urge to make irrational split-second decisions. Accepting a dare to determine just how many pickles fit in your mouth at 3am is not a good idea. Donald Duck is permanently pantsed. Leave the foul mood fowl alone. Stay in control and keep away from bad influences. Beware of elderly women who “want you to stay healthy” and offer you fruit, as well as a middle-aged chain smoker with dalmations in her van.
Now get out there and prove yourself a winner…at Walt Disney World. I’m taking home the crown from Disneyland.
Check in with me at 7:30am Pacific today (Feb. 29th) at the tiled court by Jungle Cruise’s exit. We’ll find an attraction that’s open early.
Check in again at 9pm Pacific along the wall between Star Tours and The Star Trader gift shop. We’ll shake ourselves awake on Star Tours.