Disney World After The Loss Of A Spouse

by AllEars® Team Member Jack Marshall

Most of you don’t know me although I have been a part of the AllEars® Team since 2001. I do many technical behind-the-scenes things and have written several newsletter articles over the years, but I never thought that I would ever be writing a first-person article like this.

I suddenly found myself in the unenviable position of having first-hand experience on the loss of a spouse. My wife of 38 years, Judy, passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly in mid-August. Needless to say, my life was turned upside-down. I had two Disney trips planned at the time, one as a family trip in October and a solo trip in December.

The October trip was planned as a family vacation back in May. Judy in fact picked the dates so she could once again experience the Epcot Food & Wine Festival. After she died, my daughter Janet and I discussed whether we should go or cancel and we both decided that Judy would have wanted us to go.

The days leading up to our departure for Florida were filled with apprehension for me. I slept very restlessly, often waking for no reason. I couldn’t help thinking what it would be like going to our Happy Place as we had for the previous 24 years (often multiple times in a year) for the first time without Judy. I knew that memories would flood back bringing with them the tears and sniffles of sadness. For the first time, I actually was not looking forward to a Disney trip.

Then the thought came to me: You cannot start the healing process until you get past this. I decided my best course of action was to minimize my idle hours by doing things to occupy my time. Now I’m no expert and I don’t guarantee my method of coping will be of any value to you or someone you know, but I did find several things that helped me greatly.

VARY YOUR TRADITIONS

If you always went to the same restaurant the first night or the same theme park the first morning, it will be wise to change that. Try a new restaurant or a different theme park. Old traditions were wonderful but they are loaded with years of memories that are apt to flood back unexpectedly. It’s best to avoid the situation. Visit that restaurant or theme park later in your trip.

LIMIT YOUR IDLE TIME

The worst thing while grieving a spouse is isolation. Being alone will foster thoughts and remembrances that will depress you. I was lucky enough to have several Florida friends to help occupy my time for the critical first few days. Having them around to make me live in the present was a godsend. The cardinal rule is simple: do NOT sit alone in your room for an extended period. Use it for sleeping and showering and get outside the rest of the time. This is particularly true if you are traveling solo. If you refuse to allow the time for sorrow and pity to creep in, it will not bother you. Stay active and busy. If you can travel with someone or can arrange to meet friends there it will help you a lot.

TALK TO CAST MEMBERS

I found that a great way to keep my spirits up while in the parks was to engage the cast members in conversations. It didn’t have to be anything elaborate. A simple “How’s your day going so far?” is all you need for an ice-breaker. I found that the vast majority of cast members were more than willing to talk if their work duties allowed for it. Ask them to recommend their favorite ride or attraction or their favorite place to eat. They really are a wealth of information.

MAKE NEW MEMORIES

Of course, I will always have 24 years of Disney memories with my Judy. I found however that by moving forward I was making new memories with my daughter and my friends. If you are busy making new memories, you don’t have time to let the old ones come flooding back. If people-watching was a shared experience, you can still do it. Just move on to different places rather than going back to that same bench or table you always used to sit at together.

HAVE A SPECIFIC PURPOSE

One thing that helped me face the sadness head-on was that I had brought part of Judy with me. She had been cremated and I brought some of her ashes with me for the trip to our Happy Place. I wore several of her favorite Disney t-shirts during the trip and one of her favorite character baseball caps. Yes, I did get emotional for a little while doing this but it’s not like no one has ever cried at Disney World. It came and it passed and I suddenly felt a lot better. It was like the sun and moon and stars all came into alignment again. The beloved flower child I married touched off my own Age of Aquarius. It helped me feel a little closer to her.

A word of caution though. The TSA x-ray machines don’t like ashes in a carry-on. You can almost count on being singled out for extra screening. Once the situation was explained to the second screener, I had no problem getting through.

IT WON’T END IN ONE TRIP

I was very happy at the way my first trip without Judy went. I made great strides toward inner peace with things. But a single trip is not going to be a permanent cure as I found out with my December trip.

Every December, I go to Walt Disney World to meet up with friends from all over the country for a weekend of fun, laughter, and theme parks. My time is usually pretty well filled from awakening to bedtime so I have little alone time to reflect on things. But the opportunities for reflection come at the most unexpected times. Shopping in The Emporium and seeing a t-shirt that I am sure Judy would have liked. Stopping for a bite to eat at Columbia Harbor House and realizing that Judy never got to eat here. Seeing something new like the updated Hall of Presidents and wondering what she would have thought of it. But this trip went a lot better than the first one.

Different people will grieve in different ways and for different lengths of time. There is no hard and fast rule. My next trip will hopefully be a little easier and the one after that easier still. I hope to be able to look at something and smile and tip my cap as I remember a certain event that we shared rather than cry at the sadness of not having her here with me. Your goal is to get to the point where the now-painful memories make you smile as you remember the good times.

Make no mistake about it. No matter what you do, there will be periods of intense emotion that will sweep over you. It is completely normal. You will cry and well you should. Pack and carry lots of tissues. Your goal is to lessen the amount and intensity of those times. It will be a long time before you will eliminate them.

I will do all that I can to get past this because I must. Judy would have wanted it that way. And I will. Walt Disney World isn’t the most magical place on earth for nothing.

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93 Replies to “Disney World After The Loss Of A Spouse”

  1. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. I went to Disney world for the first time with my Mother and 2 kids in October 2012. We spent 3 nights/ 4days there and had a wonderful time. We came home and on the 5th morning my 15 year old son found my mother passed out. She was rushed to the ER and pronounced dead 45 minutes later. It’s been very traumatic for us all. We want to go back to Disney World as a trip to remember my mother but can’t afford it.

  2. This hits home with me. My 16 year old daughter was on her way home to get her pom poms for dance practice on August 14th, and was hit by a man on drugs going 73 miles per hour. She died instantly. I had taken her every year to Disney. We had a trip planned in September, but cancelled it. My husband, 15 year old, and 2 year old and I will be going for Christmas. We didnt want to spend Christmas at home, and the girls, especially the 2 year old will enjoy the trip. I am worried about how I will do there, but I know my baby girl would want me to go. Disney was our “happy place”. Part of me said I could never go back without her, but then thats so unfair to the other girls. And I know she will be with me in spirit. This will be the first trip we have made since her death, and I am hoping to stay busy enough that I dont fall apart while I am there. But if I do, then thats OK too, I am just trying not to expect too much of myself.

  3. Jack,

    Thanks for sharing your message of healing. I was touched deeply by your experiences and wisdom. As a mom who has shared the magic of Disney with her son, I feel that you are very courageous. God Bless you and your family.

  4. What a wonderfully touching blog. It can be so difficult to return to a place that holds so many memories. I started going to Disney at 3 years of age with my grandparents and the rest of my family. After the death of my cousin and grandfather, I thought I could never enjoy Disney world the same way. However, I still love it! I feel so blessed to have so many great memories in such a wonderful place, I’m sure you feel the same way. I now look forward to making memories with my future husband and family. But I still get chills every time I hear the music to the Main Street Electrical Parade and am transported back to a simpler time when everything was as it should be. So sorry for your loss and God bless you for having the courage to enjoy the one thing that you both love….Disney….nothing can ever replace it

  5. Thank you for sharing your story, i too was very touched and even though i do not know you, your story brought i tear to my eye. My family goes every year to WDW i will now look at this trip with different eyes and a different outlook for this could and i am sure will be me or my family one day. God bless you. And thanks for sharing your personal story.

  6. Jack, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I thank you for sharing your story.

    I lost my husband to ALS just two days prior to the blog posting (1/23/10). My husband, son and I always had wonderful family vacations at WDW, and were always looking forward to our next trip there. After Michael’s diagnosis in Nov. 2007, we booked a two-week trip in July 2008–we talked about that trip for months after our return. Prior to his passing, my husband had been encouraging my son and I to spend February vacation in FL, but we couldn’t imagine going without him. I’m relieved to hear it is possible…and I look forward to going back (with this blog in hand).

  7. I am sorry for your loss. My family found ourselves in a similar situation 12 years ago. My mom passed suddenly from complications of Lupus. Disney was her place and she always made a point to take us all there at least once every few years.

    After her death my dad decided he needed to be back there. It was a really hard trip to make–there were many tears along the way. But I think it helped us all to move on and find a place to remember the really special times with my mom. This was back in 1998 when Disney was doing the commemorative stepping stones outside of the Magic Kingdom. We ended up purchasing a stone with her name on it, so that every time we go back we can visit her stone and know that a little piece of her is there.

    Going to Disney over the years has gotten easier–I’ve been back 5 times since. I’m just really glad to have a place where I know the second I walk in I’m going to be surrounded with my mom’s memory.

    I hope that you find comfort and peace in all this. A loss is never easy but luckily the world blesses us with places like Disney that help easy the burden just a little bit.

  8. Jack Marshall’s article was about 2 weeks too late for me but is certainly commendable. My husband of 38 years passed away suddenly of a heart attack. My January trip was planned before his death and I was committed to making the trip. It wasn’t easy. I discovered that I could still love WDW and as long as I didn’t linger at places that were particularly sentimental, I still loved visiting. My next trip is scheduled for April but it will be with my sister and her children. I’m much less fearful of this trip. Thank you, Jack Marshall, for the courage it took to do the trip and write the article.

  9. Jack,

    I am so deeply sorry for the passing of your wife.

    I always check AllEars for some new piece of info on WDW but when my eyes fell on your blog I was suddenly frozen. There was serious in the midst of fun.

    But from the title itself, it was a perspective that drew me in. How you expressed your emotions was spell binding. Your words were like a gentle waterfall of warm memories and great advise to those in similar situations.

    Now I’m positive that WDW is so much more than rides and attractions – it’s a magical place where love wraps around you and helps you heal.

    Thank you so much for sharing.

    And a special thank you to AllEars for posting it.

    May God Bless you all.

  10. Jack,
    Your story was so very touching. It brought tears to my eyes while reading it. As you can tell from the many comments, so many people have suffered similar losses. It really does help to read someone else’s personal and heartfelt experience.

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I hope you are able to cry the “happy” tears most of the time.

    God Bless

  11. I am so sorry for your loss Jack. When I saw this blog on the home page of AllEars, I just had to read it. I had an agent education program to attend on December 10th, 2007. My father was diagnosed in September of 07 with terminal melanoma. Sadly, he passed away on December 7th. In the way back of my mind was how can I go to WDW when my hero has just died? I tried telling myself he would want me to go, to follow my dream but still felt selfish leaving my grief-stricken family behind. I was still torn the day of his funeral which was December 10th. At my mother’s house my sister told me to get on the phone with Southwest and get on with my life and that Pop would want me to go. So I boarded the plane and went. Normally terrified of flying, I found myself looking out the window at the clouds and the Earth down below. At WDW, I believe I was still in a state of shock. However, the most amazing thing happened. I was at La Nouba, my first time seeing the show. The man that comes out in the white tights and does aerials with the red scarves was on stage. It was hauntingly beautiful with the woman’s voice singing in the background. Suddenly, he swooped over my head in such a manner that I felt it was my dad ascending into heaven and telling me all was going to be okay. Well, needless to say I just started sobbing. This one experience changed my outlook on life and death and it all happened at the most magical place on Earth. Thanks for sharing Jack and may God bless you.

  12. Thank you for discussing this. It’s as if you could read my mind. My husband, who was so much a part of me it’s crazy, passed away unexpectedly last year. We too had a trip planned for our birthdays which would have been about 2 weeks after his passing and I ended up canceling. I just couldn’t bear to go without him. But a little more time has passed and I know he would want me to go back. We went about 3 times a year and had so much fun there together. So this year I plan to go back and celebrate our birthdays (he would have been 60 and I will be 55) and I will remember him and the fun we had. And I will follow a lot of the suggestions in your blog. It is the most amazing thing about the Disney community that you can always get the advice, caring and friendship that you truly need.

  13. Jack, I wish you healing and peace as time goes by. I love this website and am currently planning my family’s 3rd Disney trip. I could not do without all of the wonderful info found here. Keep up the great work!

  14. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with many helpful tips. Your wife is smiling down on you. God Bless.

  15. Jack so sorry for your loss i know how it feels. I lost my mum 2 years ago and went to Disney with my wife and children which i felt was a great thing to do as that is what my mum would have wanted . I do hope you continue to travel to Disney as I do and it definately helps. Thanks also for sharing your thoughts with us and best wishes.
    Graham Painter and family

  16. It was both brave and heartwarming to read your
    story. Thank you for reminding us that grief is a part of life – and that visiting our “Favorite Happy Place” can help us in processing our grief. I am sure that your Judy is very proud of your courage and all that you have done to help so many people by writing about your experience. Wishing you love and peace in your life.

  17. WDW is our Happy Place too. I have often thought how I would feel if I had to go without my best friend and the person I first experienced WDW with, my husband David. I cried reading your advice. If the situation was reversed, and I had died, I would want someone to tell my husband to GO and to have FUN and to think of me and SMILE. I am sure your wife would want the same for you. I do not know you but I share some of your feelings and life experiences. Please accept my condolences and wishes that some pixie dust blow your way.

  18. My deepest condolences for your loss. My wife also passed away in August on the day before our 38th anniversary. We were given the gift of being able to say goodbye and express our love before her passing. We had hoped for a trip to celebrate her recovery, but that was not to be. She made us (Son, Daughter in law and me) promise to take our best friends to WDW as a thank you for all they did for us while she was ill. I read your post while waiting for our return flight in Orlando. Your advice is excellent. It is important for everyone to understand that whatever they feel is not “wrong” it is just how they feel. For me, a short trip in Dec, which was our favorite time at the World, was necessary to see if I could even handle the trip with friends. Even the tough things helped me smile and some of the fun things made me sad. Do what works for you, stay close to family and friends, and remember it is okay to laugh.

  19. Jack,
    First off, let me extend my sympathies to you and your family. I understand what you went through on that first trip back.

    My husband unexpectedly passed away 5 months before our scheduled trip to Disney for our daughters first visit. I knew that was the one thing he’d never forgive me for if I canceled that trip, so I asked my parents to go with us.

    I was glad that I did, while it was the hardest trip I ever made, I was able to take a little time to sit in Cindrella’s rose garden and have some “me” time while the grandparents took my daughter for ice cream.

    While my daughter and I are making new memories and new traditions, I am also keeping a couple of our favorite traditions we had like who is on which side of Pooh in the picture and what ride we go on first.

    We have been back 3 times since he died, and while each time gets a little easier, there’s still times when I can’t help but get a little teary-eyed. However I know that there isn’t another place on this earth that he’d want new traditions and memories to be made at than DisneyWorld.

  20. Reading this sounds so familiar to me. In 2001, my mother passed away after a four month battle with endometrial cancer, after nearly 30 years of marriage. She and my father had already had their latest Disney vacation–sans kids– planned. My father questioned whether it was appropriate to still go. After all, at the time, nothing would feel the same without her. But, after a long family discussion, we, too, decided it was what my mother would want. And we cried and we laughed and our hearts broke and our hearts mended during that trip. And yes, we brought some of her ashes with us, too. And I know my father wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. And neither would my mom. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.

  21. Jack,
    I am so sorry for your loss, and those losses shared in the previous posts. We lost our granddaughter unexpectedly in a terrible accident 6 years ago. We had not been planning any trips anywhere at the time. For some inescapable reason we thought that a family trip to WDW would perhaps ease the pain of our daughter’s and our unexpected loss. It did indeed help our daughter. We shared the common sensation that our granddaughter was indeed with us, in spirit, on that trip. It has become a yearly tradition in which gifts are purchased in her name and memory for others.

  22. I’m so sorry for your loss Jack. I know what it’s like to have to make new memories. Although not as devastating as yours after 22 yrs of marriage & many family trips to Disney with our children I was forced to end my marriage. I remember my first trip back to Disney without all the family I cried right after entering mainstreet & my girlfriend just held me. As I looked around at other family’s I wanted so much to turn back time & be that happy go luck family again. Here I am 6 yrs later with a new husband & making new memories with all our children. Never thought I’d see the day where I could once again enjoy the parks like I did in the past. My prayers to you Jack & may you never lose the Magic of Disney 🙂

  23. We are sorry for your loss. You are so right, you do have to move ahead. Your blog was right on as far as change without missing out. You still are going to the most amazing place where you both shared so many wonderful memories, and carrying those on with children. We all will face this in our lives someday and you will help so many of us out. Thank you for taking the time to do this. I know this was not easy but a painful healing step in the process of moving on.

    The Ziolkowski family

  24. Jack, sorry to read of your loss and thank you for sharing. It is great you spend special memories & trips with family and friends. I would suggest to other readers never wait “until the perfect time”. Growing up my parents couldn’t afford much so we never went on a family vacation. I promised myself that when my parents had their 50 year wedding anniversary, my husband & I would take them to Disney World. Unfortunately, at 48 years of marriage, my father passed away. We never had the opportunity to see what joy my father & mother would have experienced in such a magical place. So now, with a family of my own, I make it a point to go on vacation yearly, and so far we’ve taken our daughter to Disney World 3 times within the last 5 years. Not due to go again until 2013, and waiting anxiously. God Bless and still enjoy the time you have with your extended family of friends.

  25. Jack, I’m so sorry for your loss. You are very brave. Your stories and others have made me cry tonight.

    My husband and I have gone to the Food and Wine Festival for over ten years now. On October 18th, 2008 we arrived at the Boardwalk only to hear our hotel phone ring as we walked in the door. It was my sister calling to tell me that my brother had been in boating accident while fishing and was in a coma. We immediately booked a flight back to Arizona.

    In my shock, and with nothing else but waiting to do, we decided to go into Epcot before we left later that night.

    This is a tough place to be sad in. I just sort of walked around in a stuper and cried like crazy at Illuminations.

    We flew back home at 4AM that morning. My brother never awoke from the coma and he passed away two weeks later.

    Strangely enough we had booked a vacation for January 2009. (We usually only go in the fall.) It was very hard and I was terrified anytime the phone rang during that trip.

    Since then we’ve been back to F & W and I made it through both vacations. Those Illuminations fireworks still get me crying the first time each trip, but I find that moving forward is the best way to move on.

    I can remember the first time my brother and I went to Disney World, back when they had ticket books for the rides and juice in fruit shaped containers. I was too young to ride Space Mountain, but my big brother loved it. I think of him every time I go back.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  26. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I too have lost a loved one. My husband of 20 years died in 2001. We were the parents of two daughters who were 9 and 16 at the time. It was a family tradition to go to WDW every year for two weeks and we had gone 10 times. When Wayne died I thought I would not be able to face going without him. My oldest daughter helped me by reminding me that WDW was our happiest place on earth. This had not changed since their father had died but had become more important than ever. We felt extra close to him there and the memories were never sad but always special. We have continued to go every year and I will do so until the good Lord tells me utherwise. I hope that you will feel this way as well and Your magic place will stay magic.

  27. Thank you for your story. My husband and I are currently in the last month before our yearly trip to DW. Last year, my parents and brother joined us for what was a wonderful family vacation. Unfortunately, my mom had a major stroke 3 days after we all got home. She is alive, but it changed our lives forever. I know this year when I go, I will remember the times we had last year.

  28. Thank you for sharing your story. November will be our first family trip since my husband’s mom passed away. She loved Disney and going with her grandchildren. Your advice not only hit home and brought tears to our eyes, but I really think it helped my husband.

  29. Thank you for posting your comments and such a personal story. My mom passed away on Christmas day so I am dealing with her loss each and every day. Our family had a trip planned to Orlando in March so we are planning on going even though it will be a “first” for all of us especially my father not having her with us. Your suggestions give us some things to think about as we prepare for our journey.

  30. Thank you for sharing your grief and happy memeries. Being new to this wonderful Disney family I am glad to know there are beautiful people like yourself I will meet along the way. I can not make new memeries with my own parents but I get excited at the thought of sharing the experience with my daughter and future grandkids. Always remember you are not alone.

  31. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Our family has moved lots of times due my husband’s job. And my extended family is spread out over several states. But our yearly trips to Disneyworld are like coming back home. I lost my grandpa in June ’08. We had a trip to WDW planned for that September. None of us really felt like going, but we did so for the kids. There were a lot of tears shed, but I am glad that we went. It gave us a chance to come together again and to share our grief. I thank you for sharing your story. And I pray that you will find more and more peace.

  32. So very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful job you did writing about such a heartbreaking topic.
    In 2000 I went to Disney World for my first ever trip with my husband and two children. The following year my youngest who was 6 was diagnosed with brain cancer. The Make A Wish foundation sent us back in Sept.2001 for a trip I can hardly remember. She passed away that Nov.
    Since then we have had two more children and taking them to Disney for their first trip was bittersweet. The magic is everywhere and time does heal. Now we go a couple of times a year and they always ask “What was Kristen’s favorite ride”? This year we are taking our first ever cruise, our son is now 6 and our daughter will turn 5 while we are traveling. Life marches on but we always have our memories. God bless you and your family and may you have many years to make new memories with your daughter.

  33. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and tips with us.

    Although I’m sure that writing this brought back some difficult memories, know that you have helped others.

  34. Jack…

    Thanks for giving me a compass to steer by when I finally make my first trip back to Disney without Tom. I was wondering how I could do it, and your blog has given me invaluable insight.
    Thank you.

    “Fizzie”

  35. Dear Jack,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am really glad, however, that you posted this blog. A few days before my husband of 27 years passed away in May of 2008, he made me promise to take our children to Disney World that summer. He was adamant. And so my children, aged 22, 16 and 8, and I went to Disney for his favorite holiday – the 4th of July. It was hard, but you are right…..you can’t forge ahead until you take the first steps. My 8 year old had not really been able to talk about his dad until that trip. We found ourselves in his favorite place and had to accept the horrible fact that he was gone. We stayed at the Poly, and in the middle of the night, I would sit in a chair and just look at the castle, and think and pray. Slowly, I regained my strength and each day was a little easier in the parks. Finally, the last day, my youngest asked if we were going to ride the teacups….by then it was 1am. He reminded me that dad can ride them now, cuz ‘he can’t get sick anymore’. And so we got on the teacups, laughing until we cried…. We have been back several times because it was our “home away from home”. He will always be a part of that very special place. Time does help, Jack, though I know it is sometimes hard to believe. I wish you all the best as you travel down this road. Take care of yourself…

  36. Thank you so much for this.. I suffered my own loss last year – however this person was my mother. Two months after the birth of my daughter, my mom passed away very suddenly and completely without warning.

    We had planned a family vacation to Disney World in November, but I just wasn’t up for it. I just couldn’t imagine going without my mom. My husband was very understanding and we decided to try going in February for my daughter’s first birthday.

    Now we are only 20-something days away and I still don’t feel excited. I know once I’m there I’ll be fine, but just getting there seems to be the problem. But thanks to your advice, I think the trip will be easier now. Thank you.

    I’m very sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and your daughter.

    JACK REPLIES: Jayme, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It will take more than a trip or two for the excitement and anticipation of a trip to come back. But come back it will. Have a great time on your trip!

  37. God Bless and keep you Jack. You have me heartfelt condolences for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story with us.

  38. I’m so sorry for your loss. This was such a wonderful article. I am going to get a friend of mine to read this also. I think its going to help him on his next vacation. Thanks for writing this.

  39. Jack –

    I lost my father last May after a prolonged illness. I asked my mother, his constant companion and best friend, to join me in early December on a trip to WDW. While I know my mother’s thoughts were never far from my father, I believe the trip was successful because we went well before Christmas and engaged in the lighter moments of Disney – fireworks, gingerbread displays. etc.

    Also, we enacted with cast members intimately -we ate dinner at the bar, chatted with the lifeguard, etc. Interacting with such wonderful, caring people was therapuetic.

    I believe next year we will be ready for the spiritual side of Disney at the holidays, the candlelight processional at Epcot, in particular, which I think would have been too hard to bear this year.

    I consider myself blessed that my mother and I could go to Disney and create new, happy memories after such a trying time. My sincere condolences to you and my heartfelt wish that you enjoy every moment of life. I believe Judy and my father would want that for us.

  40. Jack:

    Thank you for your article. I recently lost my father and am planning a trip in March to WDW. This will be the first time in 27 years and close to 75 visits that I will be traveling without him. My condolences go out to you and your family.

  41. My wife and I experienced a similar feeling as her dad passed away a few years ago and I would consider him by best freind!! If I was not at work I was hanging around with him.

    I remember the year before he died we told him to pack his bags that we were taking him to DIsney World with us! At first he did not want to go but when I suggested that it was a road trip his eyes lit up!! When we got to our hotel my wife sent he and I to the bar at the All Star Music where he and I had a beer together. He was so excited to be there.

    We noticed after a few hrs that his ankles were swelling but he did not fret about it. He loved being there with us and we talked about the trip over and over.

    We go every year for our aniversary during the Epcot Food and wine festival and think about that trip and create new memories.

    Our first trip after he passed came 1 month after in October (our usual time to go). It could have been weakness or it could have been his spirit but during that trip we purchased our DVC membership and do everything that we can to share it with our family and friends and create new memories in his memory.

  42. Jack, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife. Thank you for being willing to share this experience. You can be sure that it will help other people in similar circumstances. I have a feeling your wife’s giving nature will continue to touch others through you and your daughter.

  43. Jack:

    Thank you for writing about your experiences. I’ve often wondered if I would be able to return to Disney w/o my loving spouse. I wish you the best!

  44. This is a very nice way to remember your wife and was nice for you to share it with all of us. My wife and I have been going to WDW for 13 years and I cant imagine what it will be like without her if and when that time every comes. If it does I will remember this article and may make things a little easier for me.

    Thanks Jack.

  45. Thank you very much for sharing this wonderful story. I will be visiting WDW in April after losing my Mom this past December, just a month after our last trip “home.” She planned the trip as a family trip – my brother and his family will be going with us for the first time in years – and we are all still going. It will be hard to do all her favorite things without her there physically. I know she will be with us in spirit and she would want us to still go. I hope to be able to have a good time and will use your tips.
    My condolences on your loss.
    Karen
    Brewster, NY

  46. Jack,

    I am sorry for your loss. You are a very brave person to share such a emotional story with everyone, but if this story helps just one person who has also lost a loved one then you have shared the true Magic Disney holds for me and many other people. May your next trip be a little easier and full of joyful memories you have shared with your wife.

  47. Bravo for you going on as planned. My mother and I brought my son to Disney for 30 years yes he went every year with us and yes he is still taking 1 or 2 trips a year with his mother. One of the last things my mother said before she passed away is I won’t get to go to Disney with you this year.

    That first time was a reality check to be sure but we made it through and now every year when we go we take her in our hearts with us.

    Now we smile and remember and yes laugh at some of things she did that were funny to all of us. When something new appears at Disney my son with say boy Gram would have loved this and we smile and know she is there. We feel the closest to her when at Disney because that’s where we were always HAPPY as a family.

    Hang in there keep going and one day you too with smile and laugh just as you always did with your Judy.

    By the way I have told my son for the last 20 years to be sure and take my ashes with him
    on his first trip to Disney after I’m gone because it is the Happiest Place on Earth!

  48. Jack
    Thank you for sharing your memory with us. I cried when I read this and found that it resonated deeply with me. In 2004 when I was 16 we were at Disney World when my grandfather took a turn for the worst. We actually said our last goodbyes over the phone sitting on a bench outside of the Hollywood Studios. I don’t go near that bench anymore as it reminds me of one of the few times I’ve seen my grandmother and mother cry. We continued our vacation though because we knew my grandfather would have wanted us to. You are an extremely strong person and I’m sure Judy and my Grandad Bill are smiling down at us:) Thank you.
    Kalin
    Topeka, KS

  49. Jack,

    Thank you for sharing your story. When my father passed away in September 2007, my mom and I took a trip to Disney together – a place we had been a few times with my father – in order to start the healing process of our loss. Unfortunately in 2009 I lost my mom and on February 7th I will be leaving for a trip to Disney with a friend and her family. I know my parents will be with me while I’m there and while I am sad I won’t be able to come home and tell them about the great time I had, I know they will be with me while I’m there.

    While I know I’ll miss my parents while I’m there and some rides or restaurants will bring bittersweet memories but I also know I’ll be making new memories to share with my family (and future family) as well.

  50. Thank you for sharing such a personal and difficult experience. For so many people, Disney trips are a part of growing up, family, friends and passing the magic on to new generations. Its funny that I should read this now. I haven’t logged on to All Ears in a while (mostly because it makes me anxious about how long it will be till I get to go). But next week I’ll be visiting the Magic Kingdom in Florida with my son and my husband…however, we are going through a divorce. We’d planned the birthday trip before reaching the breaking point so we decided its important to remember that we are still a family. It will be awkward and difficult at times, no doubt. Thank you for your tips and open heart!

  51. Jack – what a truly moving story and thank you for sharing with us! I too lost my spouse many years ago and I miss the chance to be able to share the magic of Disney with my husband (he died of a sudden heart attack in the motel room when we arrived in Kissimmee on 12/18/94. Our 5 kids were ages 1-16 then). The first visit in 1997 was bittersweet but I had my oldest 3 kids with me and we did have sad moments but my kids made sure I wasn’t alone for more than an hour so that helped tremendously. Our hearts go out to you!

  52. Jack
    thanks for sharing this personal story with us it brought a tear to my eye because we may all be there at sometime I am sorry for you loss.May you find the magic you need to move on.
    Regina
    Schenectady NY

  53. Space Mountain was my father’s favorite ride. The first time I rode it after he passed away, I cried the entire time. I was laughing and crying, tears streaming down my face. But, I actually felt like my Daddy was there with me. That was 3 years ago. I still think of him every time I ride Space Mountain, and I am thankful to God that I had such a fun-loving Daddy. Jack I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sure that Judy would be proud!

  54. Jack,
    Thank you for writing from your heart. I am a 42 year old widow who lost my husband unexpectedly almost 2 years ago. I am planning to take my kids, now age 10 and 12, to WDW and on the Disney Cruise this March.
    This will be the first time we have been to WDW since he died, and I know it will be bittersweet. Like you, we are going to do everything differently – a new hotel, different restaurants, with friends (rather than just our little family). As hard as it will be, I look forward to that moment that I know will come when I feel my husband’s presence and I smile … Its time for us to go back and experience the magic.
    Your article is very special. Thank you.

  55. Jack, you have my condolences. I hope I never have to travel to Disney World without my husband but if I do I will remember your suggestions. What a wonderful relationship you must have had with your beloved wife. Your article brought me to tears. Thanks for the insight and truly beautiful words.

  56. Jack,
    So sorry for your loss. Your story was beautiful and very moving. Thank you so much for sharing.

    PS I think it is very romantic and thoughtful of you to bring along your beloved’s ashes.

  57. Dear Jack,

    My Daddy passed away a year ago in November. He had been married to my Mom for 44 years. Our first Christmas at home without him was so overwhelming we decided to “escape” from it this year. After a lot of research my mom, my daughter and I decided to go to WDW.
    Although it was still very difficult, just thinking about what he would have liked at the parks, eaten at the different restaurants, purchased, etc. made us feel he was with us throughout the whole trip, that felt good.

    God bless you Jack.

  58. This is a beautiful and very touching article. Thankfully I have not had this type of loss of a loved one/Disney partner but I fear it and can imagine it. You wrote this in a very straightforward manner, which somehow makes it even more emotional and touching. Thank you for sharing this and all best wishes to you.

  59. Jack,

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I am sure your first trip without your wife was very hard but doing so is a beautiful tribute to her!

    Disney World is the place where memories of a lifetime are made and where families are brought together. It is so nice to know the Disney magic can transcend even our own mortality. The Disney magic will forever live on.

    I hope with every next trip you make, it gets easier. And I’m sure your wife continues to be there with you in the most magical place on earth!

  60. Jack – I read your blog today (1/27). It was exactly 1 year ago today that I lost my wife of 24 years to a horrible 5 month battle against cancer. We often talked how once the kids went off to college and careers how we would spend a lot more time visiting WDW at less busy times of the year.

    Next month I will be going, but I have to go by myself. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve always loved WDW but am concerned about what it will be like. Your blog has helped me to at least appreciate what kinds of thoughts and emotions I might experience and some suggestions on how to mix things up a little. Maybe I’ll be sad, maybe I’ll see something or hear something and it will remind me of something I’d done with my wife and I’ll smile.

    Your blog couldn’t have come at a better time. Thanks

  61. As a counsellor and ordained minister I have been engaged in grief counselling for many years. Your story shows that the “magic” in grief counselling is in the love not the university degrees. Your writing is special and I know that it helped many people. My prayers are with Judy and with you and your family. God bless each of you!

  62. You touched my heart with your article, I lost my husband last October and am going thru exactly what you wrote about. We went/go every year to WDW along with our son and his wife – and I’ve been thinking and thinking how can I go this year – but my husband would be the first to tell me GO and ENJOY!! Thank you for the information and tips, I will use everyone of them… God Bless and keep up the wonderful writing

  63. Hey Jack, first of all my condolences on your loss. I just lost my mom a year ago and she was my Disney travel partner. I can vouch for every tip that you listed, especially the part about not spending too much time alone in your room. I ran all over the 4 parks and kept myself busy, and actually enjoyed myself. Our last trip together had been April 2009 for my birthday, and we’d had a wonderful time touring EPCOT during the Flower & Garden festival. The last picture I have of my mom was taken during that visit. I often thought of that time as I roamed about making new memories. Thanks for sharing your story — I’m right there with you. Take care & God Bless.

  64. Jack,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a loved one (FIL) this fall. My first trip back to WDW was solo and let me tell you, all of your advice is spot on. I am lucky because I could grieve the loss of Disney for this person over a period of time, but I did find that interesting things got to me. So I’d shed a tiny tear and then move on. I am going with my family in March and we will grieve together a bit for the dear Dad we lost. But I believe that the pixie dust that abounds at WDW will help us all heal even more.

    My thoughts are with you and thank you for writing such a personal and informative blog.

  65. Thank you for your post. I am very sorry for your loss. All of your suggestions will help me, with our next trip. We took my 23 yr. old daughter (suffering from cancer)on the trip of a life time to Disney in 2008, and really did everything (we had been several times when they were all in high school). Our family including her twin sister had a wonderful time. She did very well for a while but then steadily got worse. To help I told her I booked another vacation for her spring break from college (2009) sadly she did not make it, but we also decided she would want us to go. It was very hard, but for some reason I feel very close to her when we are there. We are returning in April this year and I will use some of your suggestions. They seem very well thought out. Thank you.

  66. Jack,
    We are very sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved Judy. Please remember her in your heart & prayers each & everyday as I’m sure you do. Think of the happy time @ The greatest place on earth & always remember she is with you in your heart & soul. You now have a angel in heaven who is looking down upon you right now. She’s probaly talking with Walt & Roy about their beloved Disney World. The Happiest Place on Earth!!!! May Judy rest in peace in heaven & God Bless you Jack, your Daughter & your family. Thanks so much for sharing your family memories with all of us.
    With hugs, Lori

  67. My 26 year old daughter lost her husband in March of ’09. I made the yearly trip with my older daughter and her family but Mandy wasn’t ready to visit her beloved Disney World especially since their honeymoon was spent there. She is making the trip this coming August when we’ll be attending as a family. Your article helped in our pre-planning and we’re all looking forward to August. Her 8 & 4 yr. old nieces will keep her smiling but we do expect a few “teary” moments … from all of us. Thanks for your article.

  68. My sincerest condolences and sympathy to you and your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt blog…it brought tears to my eyes.

  69. I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad that you shared your tips. I’ve enjoyed your blog posts a lot. Keep up the good work.

  70. This is one of the most beautiful and moving blogs I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and giving hope to those who may need it. You clearly had a beautiful relationship with your wife and you honor her memory by continuing to live each day fully.

  71. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my daughter 13 years ago at birth. She was our first child. We went on to have two more beautiful children, so a trip to WDW was a must as a family.

    I was actually more exicted than my kids and was getting butterflies as the trip drew nearer.

    The first ‘magical moment’ for us happened in Fantasyland, Aurora and Snow White appeared from nowhere and bent down to the stroller and spoke to my 2 year old daughter. My husband and I were thrilled and then it hit me…

    Niamh wasn’t here..

    I cried for over an hour, not weeping and wailing, just silent tears and the wondering of ‘what if…’

    Thank you for such a honest and open blog. I sincerely hope that every trip will be easier for you. Take care x

  72. What a beautiful posting. I am sure your wife ia proud of you. My Dad was a Disney nut and passed away 14 years ago. I grew up in St. Pete and all it took was to say, “Dad, can we go to Disney World?” I still feel his presence there. I love to tell his grandchildren all about his love for all things Disney. I am grateful for all the memories as I am sure you are. Thank you for a well thought out post.

  73. My deepest and most heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Reading this I couldn’t help but tear up…Keep smiling!

  74. Just wanted to let you know that your article truly touched me. My condolences to you and your family and may you find joy and happiness in the little things again. For sure a trip to WDW is about the only place I can think of that will at least make you smile every once in a while through all this pain. Best wishes.

  75. I just wanted to pass along my sincerest condolences for your loss. Your blog was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes because it is so clear how much you loved your wife, and how much you both loved Disney World together. May you continue to find peace as you heal.

  76. I cried when I read your story. It especially touched my heart because I had a similar experience. Tears are soap for the soul and I hope your sad ones won’t last too long. God Bless.
    Maryann Fisher

  77. Jack, I am so sorry for your loss. I think you are so brave for sharing such a personal story. I, like you, do what I can to get past the sorrow. I find crying happy tears and/or sad tears, (and sometimes both at the same time!), help tremendously. I hope that you have many new happy memories on your future vacations.

  78. Thank you for your personal account of such a trip. I am very sorry for your loss but will remember your advice if and when it is my turn.
    God bless.